X-men are some badass motherfuckers.
Let's face it, the X-men are some tough motherfuckers. They shoot lazors and doesn't afraid of anything. But what if you need to look up the X-men in all their badassery individually and alphabetically?What are you, some kind of girly-man? You should be able to do that by memory! But because girly-man is a very real and serious disease, I suppose I'll help you out just this once.
Alphabetical Index
(click on a letter you girly-man)
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q RS T U V W X Y Z
A is for Arch Angel
Up there! It's a bird, it's a plane, it's motherfucking Arch Angel, that's who. Yeah, look at him soar around on those big fucking wings being a sexy boss. He was pretty shitty but then his wings turned metal and started shooting shrapnel or some shit, and that's pretty cool.Still a girly-man?
B is for Beast
Beast is a fucking beast. Look at him, being all blue and shit. He'll fuck your shit up and then say something pithy about it, because he's really fucking smart. What a swell guy.Still a girly-man?
C is for Cyclops
Scott Summers is a giant tool.-Logan
Still a girly-man?
D is for Deadpool
The coolest kid on the block, he's crazy and doesn't afraid of anything. He also breaks the fourth wall like a cheap Vietnamese whore. And he breaks cheap Vietnamese whores like cheap German whores. Because he's fucking Deadpool.Still a girly-man?
E is for Professor X
Because fuck you, he's Professor X. He can fucking control your brain with his brain. That would be like if a large muscular Russian man named Boris killed you, skinned you, and then wore your skin on top of his skin and pretended to be you and everyone was cool with it. That's how fucking scary Professor X is, so if he wants to show up before P and/or X, he's going to goddamn do it. The man can make you shit your pants with his mind. I cannot emphasis that last point enough.Still a girly-man?
F is for Forge
This guy built some nifty shit. He's like the mutant form of Steve Jobs or something.Still a girly-man?
G is for Gambit
Pretty much the coolest motherfucker alive. Look at him tossing those cards. That's fucking badass. Wait, what's go- HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE THAT? THAT CARD JUST FUCKING EXPLODED. That's not even his mutant power. That's just him being so goddamn awesome that the card couldn't contain it and exploded. Gambit gets all the chicks.Still a girly-man?
H is for Havok
I don't remember what this guy does, I think he was Cyclops' brother or some shit, but with a name like Havok, he's probably uber badass. If you were told you had to fight to the death either a guy named Norman or a guy named Havok, which would you choose? That's what I thought.Still a girly-man?
I is for Iceman
What a cool dude.Still a girly-man?
J is for Juggernaut
Silly bitch, your weapons cannot harm me. I'm the Juggernaut.Still a girly-man?
K is for Shao Kahn
He's probably a mutant.Still a girly-man?
L is for Lasers
Because human or mutant, we can all agree that lasers are fucking awesome and that everyone needs more of them.Still a girly-man?
M is for Magneto
Yeah, he's not an X-man, but he also kicks a lot of ass. Plus Ian McGreggor is a total boss.Still a girly-man?
N is for Nightcrawler
He's a fuzzy blue bastard who looks cool as hell. I hear he used to use swords too, which is so much cooler than just looking cool.Still a girly-man?
O is for Optimus Prime
He died for your sins.Still a girly-man?
P is for Phoenix
HOLY FUCKING SHIT RUN RUN RUN RUN IT'S PHOENIX OH GOD WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIEStill a girly-man?
Q is for Phoenix still
BECAUSE PHOENIX IS SO BIG AND SCARY SHE TAKES TWO LETTERS TO COVER OH GOD WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE. I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGHStill a girly-man?
R is for Rogue
Probably the saddest person on earth, and for good reason. But just you wait. When her powers evolve and she learns to control them, shit is going down.Still a girly-man?
S is for Storm
Badass African wind goddess shooting fucking lightning and shit fuck that's cool.Still a girly-man?
T is for Thunderbird
I think he was the token Native American mutant or something? He was also a pretty sweet car.Still a girly-man?
U is for Uncle Touchy
Wait, what? Who let this guy in?Still a girly-man?
V is for Venom
Close enough.Still a girly-man?
W is for Wolverine
Fuck, look at those claws. Those are fucking sharp. This guy is going to fuck up your day. Why? Because he fucking can. Good luck killin the fucker too. He just keeps coming back like some sort of angry Canadian zombie ready to tear your shit up.Still a girly-man?
X is for X-23
It's like if Wolverine were a hot chick with boobs and stuff instead of being hairy and Canadian. Also, toe claws. What's up with that?Still a girly-man?
Y is for Yoko Ono
Only a mutant would have the power to destroy the Beatles. It all makes sense.Still a girly-man?
Z is for Zombies
What's scarier than the X-men? Zombie X-men. You may proceed to shit your pants now.-Prof. X
Still a girly-man?
This. is. AMAZING.
ReplyDeleteI really like your use of code, my friend.
Y is for Yoko Ono, Only a mutant would have the power to destory the Beatles... lmfao.
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome, great job & I love your background. I'm solidifying my hate for Posterous. >_<
Also since Steph just pointed it out, <3 the Contact page & I don't know if just used the pic from ICP's video for laughs or if you actually listen to them, but if you don't, you should check them out! They have some wicked awesome shit. :) And of course, the "Miracles" parody is hilarious.
ReplyDeleteHaha, thanks. Formatting the image to be a background for this was actually way harder than I feel like it should be. >>
ReplyDeleteBlogger isn't very good at resizing images.